Meanie junkie

Oh-kay. It's my birthday-eve, and I'm floating on that lilypad of 'maybe-something-special-will-happen'-ness. I had lots of good birthdays growing up. Lots while camping, that kind of thing. But in recent years I haven't done much about it - usually feel kinda sad on my b-day. Not 'poor me, I didn't get any good presents' but 'what the fuck is all this about?' It's been too much of an invitation to get into existential angst.
Tomorrow I want to give myself a nice birthday present. I've been thinking about it. Here's what: I'm going to give myself a day without mean-talking myself. I'm just going to tell my bitches to get lost, come back next day to do what they will, but just give me one day off.

I'm gonna take a solo hike, nice and slow. And then go for a sunset-kayak. Sounds good, huh?

We'll see how it goes. It will be an all-round challenge.

Then, when I've landed soundly in my 29th year, I am gonna try the next stage of this CBT stuff. (I've been trying to build my awareness of how many times a day I start poking at my weak self. Just to be conscious enough to say, "Oh, I'm doing it again." Interrupt the pattern.)
Next step, if I'm ready, is to relegate the mean-talk to specific time intervals during the day. Say, 10 minutes before 10am, 3pm, 5pm, 7pm and 10pm or something. Can't let myself go into mean-talk unless it's mean-talk-time. And if I miss mean-talk-time, too bad. Have to wait til next mean-talk-time.
This sounds crazy, doesn't it? But it comes from an indisputably trustworthy source. Anyhow, I like stuff that sounds crazy.

Whoa man, can I really go cold-turkey all day tomorrow? H.B.T. Me!

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