AJ

Oh, oh, I am so happy with my record. I yelped, like really yelped when I left the studio today. Oh, I am so grateful.

The heaviest part of all this, for me, is trying to absorb AJ's contribution (he's the producer/arranger) and commitment to this. All the way along, I expected that he would get fed up with me. I could feel sick with anxiety between meetings, sure that he had become disillusioned and was going to bail. If I sent him a long excited email about new ideas, he only ever responded with a couple of lines - suggestions or questions or criticism. I felt awful. (Poor guy- I've paid him, and now he's stuck with this project.) But he didn't leave. Even now, he is there at the studio from morning til late at night, obsessing over sounds and e.q.s and filters and whatnot.
I have never worked with somebody on something so long-term. It got gritty and angsty and exhausting. We had silence tug-of-wars over chord changes and lyrics and form. Sometimes I thought he hated my music and could barely stand me.
But he loves my music and is obsessing because he thinks it is brand new and important. Was so hard-lined and pushy because he didn't want me to let this go. He told me this. He told me things that hit me like a sack of gemstones. I can't really describe it. I never thought anyone (anyone who really 'knew' about music) would make so many sacrifices to help me. Or voluntarily stay by me. We weren't friends - he didn't have to do this. My throat gets so tight when I think about it. I can't believe that other people might notice this little stream that sometimes flows.