For some reason I woke up this morning thinking about an animation that a friend of mine created years ago. I watched it over breakfast. It's so beautiful it makes my chest feel heavy and full. I think it's the longing for art. I get this feeling a lot- when I experience beautiful art, I fill up with longing. What is that?
I've spent 4 nights in a row in the city, and the city is now baked and crackling from sunshine. I don't like it! The sun makes me homesick for trees and cool air that smells of flowers and shade that smells of buds turning into berries.
Everything is contained in a space that can never be full, and here there are too many layers. One thing piled on top of another. Buildings and cars and concrete, people, noises, smells, thousands of thoughts and actions colliding and fusing. Filling up space as if the goal was to find its limit... I don't know. I like vibrancy. People are beautiful. I guess it was the contrast of being by the water a few nights ago, and hearing dawn come with the waking birds. Underneath all the screaming chaos there is still water lapping, ruffling wings. I miss these layers when there is so much piled on top.
Day 3 of mixing the album. Checking in at the studio at the end of each day. Those guys are working furiously. It's strange to be so removed from this part of it. Have I ever given up so much control in my life? I wonder if I should take back some of it. But no- this is collaboration. It means compromise. And it means surprises. The best part is showing up, being greeted with raw excitement. Listening to the work they've done, and sitting in that energy of sharing and anticipation. I'm not the only one who is vulnerable. Quarts of their blood is pulsing through the album's veins too. "What do you think?"
I think: Holy shit- is that me? Is that my song?
I'm unsettled - to hear myself through someone else's ears. Good. Very good.
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