Clumsy peacock

I think it's time for new hair.

I have a friend who is quite an artist when it comes to hair. I've known her for about 6 years now. We hang out at her house and I tell her to do what she likes on my head, and how crazy I'm feeling, and then she starts painting and cutting and wild things just happen. I haven't seen R for a little while, and my hair is a-suffering. We decided to let me look like a human this last year, so I've been brown-haired, and recently, a little more blonde. But I am starting to itch for some tropical birds 'dos again. I'm glad to have some pictures... these are some of the 12 or 15 hair masterpieces she's given me over the years. It sure has been fun.
Even though my friendship with R means that the process never costs me very much, there are never-the-less some drawbacks that made me want to take a hair-dying break: It takes 5-7 hours to do, stains the hell out of pillow-cases (and shower-walls if you're not careful), tends to make the scalp a bit unhappy, and draws a lot of unwanted attention. On the up-side, it can give people a conversation starter if you're craving some more human interaction, gets great reactions from kids, gives people the impression that you are really bold & gutsy (?), and requires much less tending and washing than healthy hair. (The bleaching and chemical processing leaves the hair so dry that you don't want to wash out the natural oils very often.)
So, maybe I'll just go see R and ask her if she feels inspired.
Anyways... this is the kind of blog that gets posted when a blogger is lying around, and impatient to go outside but overcome with weird dizziness and suspicious sensations in the head and legs. Okay, well, time's up on the lying around. Dizzy or not, I've got to get out of this house.

Maybe I'll come back later and fill up the rest of this empty text space.

Bye!

...

Well, I came back to write a little more. I took off one of the pictures. In fact, I almost deleted them all, then thought maybe I should just make them all tiny, and then just decided to leave it alone. (Then I came back 3 days later and took all of them off but one.)

I am going to call myself on something. I told someone the other day that I want to be transparent, and that I try to be. Well, that's bunk. I do try to be honest. But I hide lots of things too. What a stupid, lofty statement for me to make.

Why would I want to be transparent, anyway? Open, yes. See-through, no.
I also said something to the effect of, "I'd answer any question a person could think to ask me. People just never ask." Those are some high n' mighty words, all right. And I would like to take them back right now. I've got some long, deep roots of inadequacy, and the thought of someone just seeing all of me, for who and what I really am, is not very comfortable. And that's the truth, my friends. I am sometimes very open. And sometimes very closed. I guess it takes a lot of practice.

Here was a perfect moment from today:
Drawing slow figure-8s on my bike, on a quiet road a few hours ago. It was so quiet, truly so quiet, that I could hear air streaming past me, even when I was circling at a snail's pace. My ego-mind just went to sleep and there was a voice that said, 'shh, don't wake her...' Just tiny whispers of wind in my ears. I think that was me seeing all of me... and there was a lot of space. What a relief.