outside

S is here now, and she visited me on my lunch break ; we talked fast and hungrily, stoked up each other's dreams. The rest of the day I spent in anticipation of coming home. Ahh. Stopped at a produce market on the way; loaded my backpack full of peaches and nectarines. (Mouth was watering for them.) Changed into island scrubs on the boat. Stepped onto land with a deep exhale. Walked home slowly, re-acclimatizing the senses and the mind to quiet and small details. I don't practice noticing things enough in the city. (Don't want to notice?) So I just walked and tried to pay attention to everything I'd been missing.

A swallow nest high up the trunk of a tree reminded me of one I discovered in a parking garage during the festival. The odd half-bowl of dried mud was molded to a concrete wall, just below the ceiling, and crammed with baby birds. I only found it because a swallow skimmed over my head one day, and I heard a tiny racket above me. Looked up at 6 open mouths! They were so big and the nest was so small, it seemed impossible. A few days later, my heart jumped when I saw a little fledgling on the ground. Injured? But then it flew up and away, and I found the mud nest empty.

Part of my walk is along a main island road. I noticed garbage on the shoulder today. Uck. Why do people do this? Why? It was a large ziplock bag. I picked it up, thinking about all the times I see garbage outside and feel irritated but do nothing. Then there was more garbage. And more garbage. I filled up that bag to the brim. Filthy sock. Cigarette packet. Paper, plastic, etc. Then I emptied it into a garbage can, continued on, and filled it again. I mostly just felt strangely about never having done this before. It makes me wince to see this place I love disrespected with human filth. So it felt like kind of a repentant act to clean some of it up. Thank you, sweet earth. Sorry about all of this.

Then I saw blackberries. Lots of them. Without thinking, I plucked one, and then stopped myself just before it went into my mouth. (Whoa- garbage hands!) And then noticed a tiny little winged insect on my fingertip. Pale green and translucent, quite pretty. It was trying to fly away but one wing was stuck to me, probably with blackberry juice. Spent a good minute carefully peeling its delicate little wing off my skin, holding my breath in fear I would tear it. And then it flew away.

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