It was such a beautiful day. I feel this way and that way, headachey and heartachey, but not trapped by it. Just aware, and not surprised, and knowing it'll be better in a day or two. Not daring to cross my gratitude with doubt today. Doubt seems like betrayal, after all I've been given. Why should it be perplexing anymore, after feeling the lightness turn to heaviness and the heaviness turn to lightness, so so many countless times... why would it be a surprise? (Rilke: Now stone, now star.)
Evening
The sky puts on the darkening blue coat
held for it by a row of ancient trees;
you watch: and the lands grow distant in your sight,
one journeying to heaven, one that falls;
and leave you, not at home in either one,
not quite so still and dark as the darkened houses,
not calling to eternity with the passion
of what becomes a star each night, and rises;
and leave you (inexpressibly to unravel)
your life, with its immensity and fear,
so that, now bounded, now immeasurable,
it is alternately stone in you and star.
..
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