I'll have to start blogging in the morning. When I get to it at the end of the day, I'm so worn out from all that exertion in the sun that I have no energy for writing. But there's a lot that I want to say. About being here, and not being there, about being here alone. About gratitude and disbelief, contentment and connectedness. About waking up, remembering where I am, and jumping out of bed like a little kid. I miss my big red cedars and ferns and icy lakes, but I just feel good in this climate. My body feels more alive and my mind more a part of my body. I don't know when or if this will change, but I am not lonely and I am not wishing I had a companion. (Even when I'm on a beach surrounded by families and couples.) It is amazing to feel insulated, in a way, from depression. I've always needed so much time alone but had a fear of being always alone, a fear that is much quieter now. 2 months will pass in the blink of an eye.
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