Just after 8pm and I'm trying to talk myself out of going to bed - or write myself out, I guess. I'm lying on my bed so I'm dangerously close to just falling asleep. But I want to fight it. I'm tired and I shouldn't be. There is something just screaming inside of me that I'm trying to suppress because it feels sacrilegious. I think I'll just say it and try to make amends for it later...
I am DEEPLY BORED here!
I want to play after I work, and I want to work and play and play and work, in whatever balance feels right at any given time. I don't mean play my piano - although often that's 'play' for me. I mean play like a child, like animals, like adults on vacation. I played all the time, every day, in Hawaii. Swimming in the ocean is play. Now I don't know how to play, and I'm bored. All I can think of to do is work and without some good play it all feels oppressive.
I'm being a grumpy-pants and hopefully it will be just a passing fit of immaturity. Actually, I think the boredom is just sadness. I miss that easy and instant daily dose of joy and I feel caged and impatient. I feel like I'm looking at a beautiful painting of a nature scene, yearning to jump in.
OK, time to man up and work on some music.

'Wake up, ding-dong.' (Said to myself.) 'Don't music-work, music-play.'

OK. I'll try!

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