anti-rust

It's not a good feeling, to reflect on this boredom. I resent it and I hate to catch myself feeling ungrateful in any way for living here, in peace, safety, freedom and security. Yesterday I said I would make amends for the boredom - that's what I plan to do today.
I'm just going to chalk up the sleepiness, lethargy and low mood to a purely biological response to the climate shift. I'm probably low-iron too and did just slightly decrease my meds. So, no big deal - nothing to take personally or puzzle over anxiously. There's a croton in my window - it has about 7 leaves. It probably does not trouble itself over why it is not thriving here.
Fortunately, I now understand that plunging into depression in search of a cause or an answer is a dangerous past-time - and that those black back alleyways in my mind are places I don't want to go alone. There aren't many answers to find back there - just plenty of addicts ready to lure me into a shadowy doorway and lock me up for a spell. I'm going to drop this metaphor now before I confuse myself. What I mean to say is that, as unromantic and drolly sensible as it seems, it's better for me to go to my toolkit and try to fix whatever is coming apart.
I slept for 10 hours last night so I don't think I really need the nap that I feel coming on. I'm going to close this laptop, put on my wellies, take my camera, and go for a walk. I might not take any pictures, but having the camera will encourage me to look at things the way I do when I'm searching for a good shot. Recite some poetry. Then I'm going to make myself a really beautiful lunch and eat it outside all wrapped up in blankets with a hot cup of tea. Then if I'm still grouchy, I'll call S. Then settle in with my keyboard and wire up the damn interface thing and record something on my laptop, whether I like it or not. OK, that's as far as I've gotten. That might be enough. I also have 2 great books to read, so I'll save that for a treat for later.
Btw: I did succeed last night in getting off my bed and writing some music. I wrote something I think could go interesting places. Something to play with.

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