I am an optimistic person. I don't understand pessimism; I'm not a cynic or a skeptic and never have been.
The other day I had a conversation with a friend about optimism, and hope versus delusion. We both have had 'wishes' come true in our lives many times and we both believe in the big 'Possibilities' of the Universe. And we both have big dreams. The question is, (to paraphrase my friend)"how do you let yourself dream big without setting yourself up for disappointment?"
Hmm. I didn't have much of an answer then, and I still don't now. It's one hell of a fine line. I have ambitions that I am afraid to speak aloud, for fear of offending the Universe with my audacity. If I realize, at some ripe old age, that those ambitions were a fool's dream, will I be broken and dissatisfied with my life?
I dunno... I don't think that can happen - or at least, I'm determined that it won't. I'm possessed with a crazy sense of inevitability right now. It's the sense that surely something will come of my efforts and my dreams. It's not really a hope. I'm not hoping for anything concrete - that would be the setup for failure. I think the Universe needs room to manoeuvre. I don't understand how or why things seem to line up in the cosmos at the right time and place to make certain miracles happen, but I know that it's too much of a mystery to give it deadlines or requirements. I wouldn't want to narrow the possibilities by asking for something too specific anyways. I also know that in order for something to happen, my actions have to give it an opening. I have to have faith in the imminent unfolding of actions and reactions. If I plant enough seeds, something will grow; creation is the most basic law of this world.
Maybe it's just about finding a balance between having the openness of vast possibility, without grasping at specific outcomes...
I write this, thinking about the tinge of disappointment I felt after my show the other night. I tried not to have any hopes or expectations. Well, how realistic is that? I believe what I said about my optimism, but my thoughts and feelings don't always pay attention to my beliefs. Good thing thoughts and feelings are fleeting. I still believe what I believe, even after a bumpy ride. Something will grow. Something has to grow.
...
"How do you let yourself dream big without setting yourself up for disappointment?"
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's more about being happy with the present. If one is living in the present, I think the world -is- full of possibility, at every moment. There's no building up to something bigger, because what's happening right now is all that matters.
Then I think there's a certain amount of faith that things will continue to work out in all the present moments to come.
It -is- hard not to dream big. I think about all that visualization stuff that athletes do - there's something to that.
Complicated topic!