The thing is, you just can't anticipate what an audience will be like, and you just never can know what people are thinking or feeling. There were people at my show that I was really pleasantly surprised to see. But I didn't get to talk to most of them post-concert. They came, they left, and I'll probably never hear from them about what they thought. I don't like that part very much. Only one person has emailed me since then with feedback. (Thanks, SB!) Many people who promised to come didn't come. I don't like that part so much either. It's hard, hard, hard, being a performer and a really sensitive person to boot. On the other hand: I loved performing; I was relaxed and on my game and the band rocked it hard. If I could re-stage it, I just would go for a more intimate venue - the audience felt far away, and I couldn't connect with them. They were politely attentive, but reserved. It was not a great feeling. I was talking to my bass player about this, and he said, "Look man, your music just isn't all that accessible." (Well, except for 2 of my songs, he did concede.) "There's a lot of layers - it takes a few listens to know what the hell is going on." True, it's not love-at-first-listen kind of stuff. Which is hard to remember when I've played it 5000 times and it seems dead simple and obvious to me. I suppose I really just need to find my audience. I wouldn't expect my friends and family to enjoy 95% of the music I really love and listen to, so why would I expect them to love the music I write?
Well, c'est la vie. I nearly broke even for the show, and passed out a lot of CDs. And most importantly, I'm getting more and more connected to the people who make that "95% of the music I love" that the average person doesn't like. The next step: get the album reviewed. Build press. Just stay calm and carry on.
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