a blog from Thursday written on the road

Thursday morning:
Sitting in the back of the van, heading east towards Ottawa. The boys are in the front, vociferating about the state of the world to a soundtrack of heavy African grooves. It feels so good to be a backseat passenger, listening and observing, with nothing expected of me. I love a good roadtrip, especially when I can just be allowed to look out the window, read a little, write a little, and listen to music.
I'm really pleased with how last night's show went. An intimate venue, a small and really attentive crowd. A distinctly friendly vibe. It was a pleasure to play for such a listening and openly appreciative audience, and I believe we played really well. It was warm in there, and our energy was high. (I typically do not sweat unless I'm hiking up a mountain, but last night I was bathed - could feel the sweat dripping down my calves.) There were a few acquaintances in the crowd, some people who saw my interview in NOW magazine, someone else who heard me on the radio, somebody who just saw a poster. Really gratifying to see hard work paying off, even with just a few more fans. Had a lot of great feedback, the most rewarding of which was from my brother, a very discerning critic of all art forms, who'd never seen me play with my band before. Good news all round.
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For my cd release back in December, I tried something new - had a dress made for me. I was excited about the idea at the time, but in the end it was not a great success. It was a fun costume but didn't say very much about who I am, other than that I have a theatrical side. I was covered from head to toe, and in the end I felt a bit like a 19th-century grandmother dressed for bed. Not the kind of image I want to project.
I love to perform but have always agonized about how to present myself physically. I can feel very uncomfortable on stage under the scrutiny of so many eyes. So I always feel at a loss when it comes to clothing.
I did something smart this time, and enlisted the help of my sister-in-law, a costume designer and stylist who could make a rhino look chic if she wanted to. She convinced me that a performer's visual image is important, and even crucial… a concept that I have been rather resistant to. After many long conversations, and many long hours of shopping, we found 3 dresses that will last me forever. They are sleek, classy, sophisticated, fresh, modern and slightly edgy. Beautiful quality and construction, bold, not fancy or ostentatious, but uniquely detailed, natural and elegant, unpretentious, effortlessly sexy. (Rather like what I hope my music to be.) They're all sleeveless and to the knee, and this was not easy for me to swallow at first. But my sister-in-law convinced me to show some skin. Not for the sake of being revealing, but because it's easier for people to connect to performers when they can see more of the body, and the body's movements. Also because I want to convey confidence and to get better at feeling good in my skin without hiding. The shoes are almost painfully high patent pumps that add a bad-ass ferocity to the look, and there is no jewellery. It adds a whole new level of polish to the performance that I feel good about. Even if it does still feel a bit foreign.
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