An odd, unsettled weekend. I had high hopes of a gloriously sunny, spacious, time-to-recoup long weekend, but it's over now and I feel more agitated than when it started. I had the thought today that I may need a more secluded island. Bowen is unfortunately becoming something of a summer fair-ground. Alack. The solitary side of me is just way too high-maintenance.
I'm watching a wasp wander slowly around the surface of the couch. We pay little attention to each other. I think about putting him outside, but would rather just let him be. Maybe he's winding down towards death. Maybe he'd like to die on a soft cushion.
Earlier, I sat outside overlooking the water as the sun went down and the stars began to emerge, and everything was quiet save for the sound of three deer softly munching grass. It was the most peaceful hour of these last few weeks. I had a few moments of feeling very much like myself, saw the wider picture ever so briefly.
Momentum is a powerful force; I realize I am afraid to lose it. I am daunted by the work ahead of me, since I carry a great weight of ambitions and have at present only a limited supply of fuel. Needing time alone and time outside to refill my tanks, and also to clarify my goals and unload some of my expectations, the ones that are only going to bog me down. Come, sweet May. Please, sweet May, bring us the sun.
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I think it's a misconception that we need to be constantly pushing and maintaining momentum. There is value in periods of rest, when we are still subconsciously processing and learning. I think the new experiences we gain from those periods of rest, or the freedom we give ourselves during these periods, can be helpful.
ReplyDeleteBut I know it can be tough - I had an unintentional loss-of-momentum for 4-5 weeks, not so long ago, and it was hell.
I do think that regular practice is important, even through those low-action periods.