moving bricks around

Re: the clarity I was writing about yesterday.

I knew that there was some obstruction in my path. Yesterday I finally saw it and named it. It was nothing more than a goal/expectation that I'd formulated a long time ago and become attached to for no good reason. Before yesterday, I hadn't scrutinized it carefully, and once I gave it some serious attention, it excused itself and quickly left the room. Interesting. Ideas can be so very powerful. The only things shaping my future and my path (apart from uncontrollable events) are my intentions, my actions, and my expectations. I can feel clear about my intentions, but my expectations are often not in proportion, and they can affect my actions and distort my intentions. (Why is everything so circular and cyclical like that?)

I like the Buddhist precept of non-attachment to beliefs and ideas. It's obviously important to be rooted strongly in both, but maybe it's also important to be able to let go of them when they are no longer helpful or relevant. We really let our identities become defined by our ideas and beliefs, as if they are non-changing characteristics like eye colour or ethnicity. But I want to stay open to change in all ways, and notice (like in this particular instance) when I’m getting stuck on an idea that is simply not helping me to move forward.

Removing that obstruction opened the channels; my mind is moving freely again, and ideas are flowing. Now I have a one-year game-plan that feels right. When I think through it, it feels manageable, attainable, but still really challenging and full. Here’s the quick run-down:

June – send CDs to media in Europe; plan show for birthday

July – rehearse with band; play birthday show; start planning September show

Aug – rehearse with larger band; prep for September show (get publicist); find contacts in Scandinavia

Sept – promote show; rehearse and play show; start booking May tour; apply for Music BC tour grant

Oct – apply for Can Council Career Development grant to hire publicist and media manager; apply for Factor Recording grant; more tour-booking

Nov – apply for Can Council Music Project grant for composition/living subsidy; more tour booking

Dec – apply to music festivals internationally; rehearse and play show with Andy’s band

Jan/Feb/Mar – relocate to Costa Rica or the like; play solo shows; finalize May tour

Apr – major tour prep and rehearsal; apply for Can Council Concert Production/Rehearsal and Can Council Intl Touring grants

May – apply for Banff Indie Band Residency. Leave for solo tour in Scandinavia

June – rehearse for festivals and plan for new album

Summer/Fall? - festivals, new album, etc etc

*((It also goes without saying that throughout the year, I will continue to practice and write on an as-close-to-everyday basis as possible.)

Man, it feels so good to have a game plan. It's not about adhering to it strictly. Maybe lots of these items will change and I need to be open to that. But for now, I have an intention and motivation again, and it feels exciting and good.

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